sammywhatammy | October 2020 #thinningtheveil Challenge

🌙✨ Day 1: “how has my past led me to where I am?” a terrible childhood and a loss of youth due to my laundry list of mental illnesses. I suffered an absent father, an emotionally and mentally abusive mother, 8yrs of bullying, etc etc that took my childhood and adolescence, and I lost my young adulthood to non-functional depressive bipolar. but I’m starting to learn what positive things I can from those times of suffering; I’m starting to see how they actually improved me as a person. I’m also restarting the process of forgiving myself for what I’ve done and who I’ve been.

🌙✨ Day 2: “what does my now look like?” The Lovers. joyful and full of excellent communication. my best friend and I are working together beautifully on overhauling my apartment; my boyfriend and I had a discussion that was so healthy that my psychologist was in awe. my connection to the two most important people in my life is stronger than ever, and flourishing.

🌙✨ Day 3: “where do I need to heal?” The Moon reversed. the light I cast is not strong enough to illuminate what conflicts and troubles are still within me. though I’m very self-aware, right now I’m in such a strong state of radical self-love that the questions and negative thought patterns that I’ve had in the past are blown away. but they’re hidden, not gone. I’ll have to deal with them at some point.

🌙✨ Day 4: “where am I thriving?” I’m blossoming with and abundance of self love, joy, friendship, romantic love, financial security... and reveling in it and using all of it to keep me moving forward, to work hard for what I want because I’m overflowing with support and love from others, as well as myself! I’m acting on it all in a way that is my own brand of femininity: bold, reckless Aries sun ploughing through every obstacle and item on my to-do list with all the grace of an atom bomb, yet also embracing self-care by working with my blooming spiritual journey, getting lots of rest, and allowing myself to spend lots of time on IG, HAHA. maybe once things settle down a bit, I’ll have time for video games again!!!

🌙✨ Day 5: “where am I headed?” Six of Swords reversed. backwards. back into depression and trauma. HURRAY SEASONAL DEPRESSION

🌙✨ Day 6: “what must I bear in mind on this journey?” Seven of Cups reversed. I need to remember to not get overwhelmed with things that need doing, whether wants or needs. I need to take it slow and do what I can day by day, even if that is only one task.

🌙✨ Day 7: “what strength of mine will serve me well as I grow?” Page of Pentacles. my ability to look at things from multiple angles; my growth and willingness to continue growing. manifesting new habits and routines. developing self-discipline.

🌙✨ Day 8: “what does the world look like right now?” Three of Wands reversed. instead of looking to the wide world with determination, we are all looking inward at our upcoming election with fear.

🌙✨ Day 9: “how is my community faring right now?” The Fool. pretending that nothing is going wrong; putting our heads in the sand.

🌙✨ Day 10: “how are they linked?” The Empress reversed. such willful ignorance of the larger stakes is going to crumble us.

(switch to Dragon Tarot)

🌙✨ Day 11: "where do our communities need healing?" Three of Swords. there's so much violence and death right now, especially against the black community. anyone who calls themselves an ally needs to rise up like a dragon and fight back, and continue fighting with ferocity.

🌙✨ Day 12: "what challenges are our communities facing?" King of Swords. there is clarity and truth, but also detachment. white people in particular have gotten tired and their active support has dropped off significantly. they've lost the fire.

🌙✨ Day 13: "where are our communities' strengths?" Ten of Wands. though many are overwhelmed and overburdened by how much suffering there is in the world and have lost faith that they can change anything, there are still those who rise like dragons with passion and fire.

🌙✨ Day 14: "what support do our communities need?" Two of Cups reversed. loving itself and each other. caring for one another, giving and receiving. protecting each other, staying on guard. because our bonds are more fragile than we like to admit.

🌙✨ Day 15: "how does my personal present align with the world's?" Four of Swords. though I have mental readiness in hand, rest is necessary. we are all anticipating the election results with bated breath. this is the calm before the storm, where we gather our inner resources and recuperate before a potential fight.

🌙✨ Day 16: "how do my struggles align with the world's?" The Fool reversed. naivete and blindly stepping off the cliff without a plan have lead me to exhaustion in many forms. the world is also exhausted. 2020 doesn't stop coming with tragedies, emergencies, and shocking fascism across the world.

🌙✨ Day 17: "how can my personal healing aid the world's healing?" Ten of Cups. the beginning of my spiritual journey in August and my abundant joy since has brought me a lot of healing already, and that has spread to the people around me. things are being accomplished, people are proud of my progress and heartened by it. I've been able to still be active in some capacities to do what I can for the world's healing, in every way I'm still capable of while still need rest in several ways.

🌙✨ Day 18: "how can my communities' strengths support me in facing my challenges?" Strength. by bolstering my confidence and inner strength; by accepting me and my gifts and flaws. by helping me heal and grow.

🌙✨ Day 19: "where can my strength support my communities in facing their challenges?" Justice. by always seeking the truth, by always committing myself to what is just and true and equitable. I have to never stop believing in what I'm fighting for, which is equality and equity and justice for all, something I believe in to the depths of my soul. I have to continue learning and taking my stance on new issues as they arise, and act accordingly.

🌙✨ Day 20: "how can my success support my community?" Six of Cups. I need to travel inward; find joy in the dark and work as a part of my community to travel where it's darkest and bring light and discovery. I can unite and educate by spreading information, whether others like it or not.

🌙✨ Day 21: "how can my community's success support me?" Eight of Wands. by helping me find my path, and not necessarily letting me travel it alone, or at least parts of it.

🌙✨ Day 22: "why do we sometimes see ourselves as independent of our communities?" Ace of Swords. because we get new ideas, new inner clarity, and see it as separate or better than what the community thinks. or we become very protective of our own ideas, at the cost of unity. our new ideas are sacred, and some hold that too dearly, even though there's so much power in them and that power could be shared.

🌙✨ Day 23: "why might I find it comforting to hold onto an idea of independence?" Eight of Cups. because I want to go at my own pace; find the path on my own and not rely on what everyone else is doing.

🌙✨ Day 24: "how can I release the need to feel control here?" The Empress. by focusing on nurturing others more than myself, and nurturing the needs of the community. by being soft and compassionate and welcoming.

🌙✨ Day 25: "how can I better understand myself as part of a whole?" Seven of Coins. by caring for myself sustainably so that I can understand the pace I need so that I can keep going more consistently. to look at the long view of the results of persistence; to guard the bridge between my needs and the needs of the community.

🌙✨ Day 26: "what role can I play in this community or whole?" The Magician reversed. I can lead by example by surrendering my power for the needs of the community, instead of keeping it for myself.

🌙✨ Day 27: "how can I work to align my personal goals with that of my communities?" Death. by forcing change. by gazing into the depths of injustice and working to cut it down, to end it. to force change upon a world that functions on injustice.

🌙✨ Day 28: "how can I better be of service to my community?" Justice again! it's as I said before.

🌙✨ Day 29: "what actions can I take now?" Ten of Wands. gather my energy to once again overburden myself with action. protests, spreading information, donating, staying aware of latest news, learning the names of those we have lost... get active again, even at the cost of my sanity and energy.

🌙✨ Day 30: "what have I learned from this challenge?" Six of Coins. to give and give of myself, but also to receive in return.

🌙✨ Day 31: "how have I deepened my understanding of connection and community?" Page of Swords reversed. how to be more grounded in knowing that I CAN receive as much as I give (and I give A LOT), and I might already be receiving it without realizing. that my activism has been to haphazard which has been draining me and causing me to be inconsistent with it. that I can express my needs as much as I can listen and follow the needs of the community. that it's okay to rest if I need to.